Moody Days

I hate those moody days. Mostly coz I usually dont understand how I would just wake up angry at everyone.
Week 14. Seems like forever to labor and all that accompanies it. My tummy looks funny. One minute its huge and awesome, another moment, it's disappeared into thin air. I love my baby bump. I sure do. Though sometimes I gather the stares I get from people be like, “Is that a big stomach or a baby inside there?”. I know I shouldnt give a fuck! Hey c'mmon, its my baby! Anyways, the mood swings are less now. Probably because baby Toto's dad has been around of late. Maybe. I dont know. Most times I find myself so bored I wana quit being pregnant. Oh God, would it have been magical? Then resume at month 9? The hormones are overflowing. Its hard to catch up. Am I supposed to be mad at traffic? The woman who smells cheap perfume? My favorite bottle of lotion thats now half empty? I have no idea. I just find myself angry.
So the past week, I have tried to “behave normal” . Everytime I feel down, I have found the comfort in my mum's voice. “Hallo Mum”, “Am bored again... and..and I think am angry at him(for the millionth time with no reason)”. And her gentle voice would tell me to pray and forget the hormones. "We all had them, we kept them away darling", She always adds. And that always works. With Cathy's messages streaming every hour, they both manage to make my day end with a smile.
So when the day is done, I retire to bed quite tired, forgetting what had actually bored me in the first place. I touch baby Toto(name not found yet, though my sister Cathy wants to be named) and admit to myself its a blessing. Boy or girl, am happy for the gift of motherhood. Am gonna be a good mama. I know that. I touch my belly and kiss it goodnight. Hope this week gonna be awesome and no more growling..will try. I comfort myself.

Baby steps

Boom! Boom! Boom!

I heard the heartbeat. I was scared. What if it stops? It was amazing. I looked at the doctor for any signs of worry. His face revealed nothing, as usual, as what many doctors do. Joy? Worry? Sadness? Nothing. He then smiles,adds, "Thats the hearbeat or heartbeats". Now am scared. Heartbeats? Twins? Triplets? "Oh my God!" I let out a feeble cry. "Doc, tell me you kidding?" He smiles again.

He is not revealing anything but tells me to be back after a few months. "Go and take care of your baby". Am concerned. He didnt say babies. "So you were kidding?" "Haa?", he looks at me. "You were kidding. I dont have twins?", I timidly ask. He smiles again.

The ultra-sound shows nothing visible. It could even be my intestines there.

I frown!

He knows am a bit disappointed. He smiles again. But I tell him, I had done my research and I know its hard to decipher where the baby lies at this stage. He adds, "Thats good! Many mums ask to know the sex of the child! Am impressed with you!". I know he wont tell me anything more. "Looks like I will be seeing you in the next 3 months dear", he adds. I swallow hard. Am scared. But happy that my baby(ies) is(are) alive. I walk out and hug my mum. I will be a mummy! Its awesome!

I touch my belly, whisper to my baby, "Its gonna be a long journey sweets..we gonna make it". I cant hear the heartbeat now, but am glad, its alive and kicking!